Monday, January 31, 2005

Missing old friends

On and off I've found myself thinking about old friends. I've been lucky enough to find most of them, but there is still one that is lost to me. Her name is (or was the last I knew) Tracey Perrault. We both went to Lakewood High class of '91, spent most of our free time hanging out with each other. The last time I saw her was back in '93 when I flew out with her mom to see her (ahh I still remember Vegas). Foolishly, I lost touch with her (I blame myself for that), and have been unable to find her. I know it's a long shot, but if anyone reading this knows her or someone from her family, please ask her to get in-touch with me. Remind her of our Def Leppard silk screened paper, my Labrador eating her sneakers, but leaving mine alone, and when I would ride my bike down Route 9 so we could hang out during the summer. Hopefully she'll remember.

The joy of NYC school buses and other things

Yes, today is Monday, which means getting up to get Joe off to school. After falling asleep on the couch Friday morning and missing his bus, I made sure that I was awake this morning. I was and had no problem getting him up and ready for school. At 7am, we all go outside to wait for the bus, which usually comes at 7:10am. Well, 7:30am comes around and still no bus. Annoyed and confused, we all come back inside to find out what happened to his bus. So I dial the number for the bus company, and it's busy. Ok I can understand that, so I keep trying. After a few redials, I got lucky and the phone rang....And rang.....And rang. 20 rings later and still no one answers. So now I have to rush and get Mandy dressed and fed before we take Joe to school. Luckily I made it and got him to school without a problem.

Now I decide that maybe since I was already out, I should pick up more milk for my little Mandy, which meant going to the slowest store in the world, Pathmark. I hate going to Pathmark because the people working there are a bunch of idiots, but it was close to the school and I was hoping that the would have everything that I needed.

Ok so now I'm happy, Joe is off at school and I got plenty of milk for my little Mandy, never imagining that I would have even more fun then most people do all day. The fun that I'm talking about is trying to park on a street full of snow. Here's silly me thinking that it's 9:30am, how hard could it be to find a decent spot. On most days this wouldn't be a problem, but since we still have mountains of snow on our street, parking has become a whole new adventure. I guess to make a long story a bit shorter, I can't wait till all of the bloody snow melts or someone at the DOT decides to plow our street when they reinstate the street cleaning rules.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Wonderful news

My dear Amanda has shocked us all by being able to drink out of this strawcup. Just had to let you all know the good news. :)

Friday, January 21, 2005

Beginning the process of figuring myself out

I wonder what happened to me. When did I become so afraid? Afraid of people not liking me (even when these people have done nothing but welcome me with open arms), afraid to be happy, afraid to be proud, and many other things that I'm sure I'll bring up later.

I feel like I'm not allowed to be happy. When I feel proud of myself for accomplishing something, instead of continuing and actually feeling better about myself, I stop and then get angry at myself for failing. I guess most recently I did this with my knitting. I was happy and proud of myself because of it, so instead of finishing the project I was on, I stopped. That's how I have been my whole life, when I feel proud of myself, I have to destroy it. I am a highly self-destructive person.

I can't count the times that I've done stupid things. I have learned to forgive myself for most of these things, but there is one very stupid thing that I did that I am still angry at myself for. Back in '95 my father and I had a fight, and he told me to get out of his house. I was hurt and angry, so if that was what he wanted, then fine, that is what I would do. Later that day he called and told me not to leave, and that we would talk when he got home from work. But I didn’t want to hear it. I had enough and I was going to leave. So I called my "friend" and we took all of my stuff and left. And when I say all of my stuff, I mean everything including the bed, dresser, everything that I had. I didn't leave a note or anything, I just left. I see now how stupid that was, and that once again I was just running away from my problems, but at the time I thought I was doing the right thing. Tony and I were dating then, and even though he tried to tell me how wrong this was, I didn't want to hear it. A few months later, my mom came and to this "friend's" house. I left her house with the clothes on my back and my computer. What I couldn't or didn't take with me I lost. I have nothing to give to my kids because of my stupidity. I'm sure some of you are thinking, why is she beating herself up over something that she can't change? Well, I'm angry at myself. I can't believe that I was such a fool. And then when I think that even if I can't forgive myself, then I can at least forget about it, my dear loving father brings it up in front of everyone at Christmas. I admitted to him and everyone there, that I knew it was stupid and that I regretted doing it. I don't know if he really believes that or not.

When Tony, Joe and I moved to our apartment, I decided to go back to school (correspondence school) so that once Joe was in school, I would be able to start working again, but instead of just working in retail, I was going to be a computer repair tech. I would do my assignments, lab work, and I even built a siren. I was learning, making a better life for myself. (Anyone notice how I said was and not am) I paid them a lot of money, but what do I have to show for it? Nothing! I failed. I think about going back, but I can't trust myself. I can't trust that I won't destroy myself again.

I have no drive. I don't want to work at a supermarket or a bookstore again (not that there is anything wrong with that, but I have to believe that I'm meant for more than that). But if I sit here and whine about it, nothing will change. I guess I have to start small. I have to finish the knitting project that I'm in the middle of, and even make Joe another scarf. Hopefully once I see that I can follow thru with that, then I'll have enough self confidence to believe that I can follow thru with my school.

I'll keep you all informed. Hopefully I'll have good news soon.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

It is just to cold

Oh dear lord, it is freaking cold out there today. According to the local news, it 11 degrees right now. I can't stand this weather. And now there lovely weather people are saying that we are going to get more snow tonight and maybe even more later on in the week. Yuck! This is why I loved living in South Carolina. Yes it got cold in the winter, but we never got snow, and we were lucky that we weren't hit by any hurricanes. But then again, after this last hurricane season, I don't think that I'd want to be down there anymore. I need a winter house in Arizona. :) Yeah that's what I need. 60-70 degrees days in the dead of winter, yeah I could handle that.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Time is running out

I just wanted to remind everyone that French Toast Girl's auction to help those who where affected by the Asian tsunami, is going to be ending in two days. The bids so far have been amazing, but I would love to see it go even higher. Wouldn't you just love to own an original painting. Click here to check out her auction, and I personally thank all of you that have or are going to place a bid.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Happy days are here again

Yeah, I got the replacement cd for Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines. This game is so cool, yet totally creepy at the same time. First you have a guy that attacks you with bloodied arm stump (just imagine using someone's arm for a melee weapon). Now I'm in a rundown haunted house. This place is just like these creepy horror movies with things flying through the air, ghosts' running through the place, and fun stuff like that. And here's me, someone who hates horror movies. :) If something scares me in real life, then it seriously scares me when I play a game with it. I remember one game that I was playing (the first Soul Reaver I think) that had vampire spiders. I couldn't even finish the game, because I hate spiders. Or I remember my husband playing Undying by Clive Baker. I was having nightmares from that game, which of course my dear loving husband found perfectly hysterical.

Just one little reminder. French Toast Girl is still auctioning off her painting, with all of the profits going to help the people that were affected by the Asian tsunami. Please help by placing a bid for the auction.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Painting auction for tsunami relief

The extremely talented French Toast Girl is auctioning off a painting that she has done to help with the Asian tsunami relief. To see the painting and make a donation for a worthy cause, please click here : Disaster Relief

Friday, January 07, 2005

Why can't anything be simple

I purchased the import version of Vampire the Masquerade:Bloodlines from, and one of the CD's had a problem. After trying many of the fixes that I saw on the web and talking to the tech support guys at activision, I'm told that CD 2 was defective, and that I had to return it to where I brought it to get a new one. Well, since I brought the import version, I couldn't just go to my local Gamestop and exchange the disk. That would've been to bloody simple. Last Thursday I mailed the CD back to them, asking for an replacement. I was happy on Tuesday when I called GoGamer and they told me that they had gotten my disc and that the replacement would be sent out right away. Ok so sue me, I didn't ask what "right away" meant in their books, but to me, right away means just that. So here I was getting all excited that maybe I'd be able to play my game today, but the mailman came and no disc. Oh I was pissed. After much grumbling and complaining, I call them up to find out what was the stasis of my CD. Well these yahoos didn't mail it out till yesterday. I guess I can hope that I'll get it tomorrow, but I honestly don't see it coming until sometime next week. Come on people, I want to suck some blood. Ha ha

Thursday, January 06, 2005

In case you were wondering

Some people have wondered (my husband particularly) why I have a picture of a drow (dark elf) for my profile. I couldn't find any pictures of me that I like, but I still wanted a picture on my site. I found this picture on the internet, and I loved it. And if I was a drow, I guess I'd want to look like that. :) Plus I've been playing Neverwinter Nights recently, and I guess I'm still in a fantasy mood.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

My silly kids

Here there are, my two silly kids. Introducing, Amanda and Joe.

My cute little Mandy

My silly son Darth Joe

Hello all

Good morning to all of you. I have decided to move my tiny little blog from it's old space to here. I don't think that I'm going to move the whole site, so if you want to read my old posts, or if you are just curious what little ol' me was up to last year, click here. (Even though, for some bizarre reason, it doesn't want to come up for me unless I'm on AOL, maybe you'll have more luck.)

So hopefully now I'll be able to post some pictures up here (first will be my cute kids. Once I get my son to take a picture with his eyes open, that is.) :) So sit back and enjoy yourself, and if you have a comment or just want to say hi, I'd love to hear it.